12 Tools & Techniques Every Coach & Leader Must Know | The Better Than Rich Show Ep. 8

The Better Than Rich 12 Tools Of Coaching

Step One: Deep Rapport

Rapport is not bonding over a shared love for a sports team, we want to create a space where we can connect on a deeper level with our clients. People we coach should feel like we are part of the same tribe, cut from the same cloth, or one and the same.

People like people who are like themselves, or like someone they want to be.

A good way to do this is to mimic, match, and mirror the people you are trying to connect to. This helps them decide that you are a friend instead of a foe when they first interact with you.

Step Two: Framing 

The purpose of framing is to guide the conversation between ourselves and the client while still giving them space to ask questions and bring up any topics that they would also like to hit on.

Here’s an example of framing: “Hey super excited to connect with you today, this is what I want to get accomplished today, do you want to add anything? If we cover these things will this conversation be a win?”

Or

“My goal is to understand more about you and what’s working and what isn’t. To do this I’m going to ask you a series of questions, so the more open and honest you are the better. By the end of the conversation, we should have a pretty good idea of if this is a good match or not, and if not no problem, but if so I’ll go ahead and give you some more information on how I work with my clients”

No matter how we approach our framing for the conversations we are having, it should be done within the first 60 seconds of the conversation. This helps keep us and our client on task and creates a flow for the conversation, also a list to refer back to if the conversation does get off-topic.

Step Three: Softening 

Softening is figuring out how to deliver messages in a way that will be received well. This is where we will use weaker words like potentially, maybe, feeling.

 For example: “I feel like you might have a potential weak point here.”

This helps ensure that the client doesn’t feel attacked by direct conversation on a potentially sensitive topic for the individual. The use of softening allows for more open-mindedness and less resentment. 

Step Four: Couching

Couching is similar to framing except we are handling the objections before they come up. Couching is a side statement that we make before making our real argument. This helps show how open-minded we are and an advanced thought process focused on problem-solving. 

We want to know our client’s concern or argument ahead of time, which means we need to put ourselves in their shoes so we can see all potential arguments or objections and handle them before they come up.

Steps Five & Six: Challengs & Support

This step is where we need to be able to be stern and call people out. We need to be able to push people to their best in a way that doesn’t overwhelm or create resentment. Challenges are where we explain to someone they could be better and aren’t reaching their capacity.

We need to be able to decide if our clients need to be challenged or supported during our conversations. A great way to decide is to gauge their language. Are they using self-destructive language, questioning themselves, or having low energy? Or are they using excuses, attempting to only focus on wins, or using blame? It’s important that we attentively listen to their language by using questions to dig and find out if they need to be challenged or supported.

Support is the other side of challenging. We all need a reminder sometimes that we are doing well. Support is encouragement. We should be reminding our clients that they are great, just how they are and why, and that they still have work to do. This keeps people in rapport with us and continues the evolution of the relationship and conversation.

Sometimes people need to be reminded that nothing is as bad as it seems and nothing is as good as it seems. This helps keep us in a “sober mindset”.

Step Seven: Questioning

Questioning is a key coaching skill. When we approach a conversation while coaching the first thing we want to use are our assumptions. Instead, we need to be asking thought-provoking questions. This allows them to either validate our assumption or give us a clearer understanding by explaining their truth. 

Questioning takes patience, empathy, and understanding. To improve our ability to ask questions we have to be attentive listeners so we can then ask ourselves the question, “What questions came up while listening to so and so?”

Generally, the questions that we have when listening to our clients are holes they need to acknowledge and fill for a better understanding on both sides. If the question seems interesting ask it, and if follow-up questions show up then be sure to ask those too. Solve one at a time and continue. Don’t be nervous to ask a question, as long as we use the above steps, we can ask any question we want without offending our client.

The goal is to get to the base level of someone’s belief system with questions. Once we’ve reached the core of their beliefs we can begin working outward to their beliefs about themselves, others, and the world around them.

Step Eight: Teaching

It is important to decipher when a person needs to be taught and when they need to be asked questions. Too often as a coach, we want to jump right into teaching which is easiest for leaders because we teach from our own experiences and truthfulness. 

This is why we need to continue to grow, seek knowledge, and truth. When we are teaching there needs to be some sort of credibility, from your own life or someone who has put those teachable actions in place.

That is to ensure we can teach to others without coming off as hypocritical, we need to be constantly learning and staying in the know about new advancements in whatever our audience is interested in.

Step Nine: Analogies 

When people need help understanding the message we are trying to get across, it might be time to use an analogy. Some people may have a hard time understanding our more direct approach so we have to be able to help them see things from different perspectives. 

If they don’t understand “Maybe we need to start increasing this aspect to get this result” what they may understand better is, “ In this aspect of your life you’re a car, and I feel it’s time to pick up speed and start pacing more steadily to this goal”.

Being able to explain the same topic in multiple ways is a key coaching tool.

Step Ten: Stories

Stories can be personal, from history, or just someone who applied a skill. The purpose of telling a story is to give the client something to connect to. We want our clients to truly be able to connect with our story and then tie the story into what we want them to learn and apply. Stories also stick and can be a continued reminder of the message we relayed. 

Step Eleven: Check-Ins

This step’s purpose is to ensure that the client is understanding our message during the conversation. We don’t want to get to the end and our client is confused and has a tone of questions. To avoid this we do check-ins, which is when we turn the conversation back over to the client and ask them what they think.

Step Twelve: Meta-Weaving

Once we master each of these steps individually we are capable of being dynamic in a conversation. We accomplish this by intertwining all the tools together to challenge and support, question and teach, and share stories as well as analogies all in one conversation. 

For example, “I feel like you need to step up, we both know your capacity is greater than this, but that being said you are doing phenomenal in these two areas and I appreciate all your hard work there.  I’d love to see what you can accomplish when you put the same amount of attention and effort into area one as well. What do you think?”

These tools individually are great but used together they are phenomenal. This way we can hit multiple points while keeping our clients engaged, in deep rapport, and continuously learning.