How to Build Your Self-Confidence | The Better Than Rich Show Ep. 20

How to Build Your Self-Confidence

Ensuring our self-confidence is intact is important to every aspect of our lives. Self-confidence can be built or destroyed simply. It starts with the agreements we make with ourselves.

Are we keeping them? How many of the things we say we will do actually get done?

If we make an agreement that we are going to do or say something and we do it, we are building our self-confidence. Likewise, if we make agreements with ourselves and we don’t follow through, it diminishes our self-confidence because then we question if we will be able to follow through for ourselves when it comes to other tasks.

We begin to question our capacity and capability.

Why Agreements with Oneself Go Unkept?

There are numerous reasons why we don’t keep the agreements we make with ourselves. Sometimes it’s hesitation, distraction, or we forget why we made the agreement in the first place. When we don’t know the reason why we need to do something it is a lot easier to unintentionally make small negotiations with ourselves. Those small negotiations like waking up 30 minutes later than agreed or pushing a project back a day or two, create momentum that diminishes self-confidence.

This wave of negative momentum needs to be stopped before we drift too far from the person we want to be and the things we are meant to be doing.

How to Pivot 

We know ourselves better than anyone else. So, if we are doing our best and we can look in the mirror and know that then that’s all we can do.

But, at the end of the day, we know what we could have shown up for, what we could have gotten completed, and what we could have made advancements on.

We must consistently show up for ourselves. Our could have, should never match up to our list of completed tasks.

Doing our best also doesn’t look like coming with one hundred and ten percent every day, every hour, every second. We are human. Doing our best means giving exactly as much of ourselves as we can, given the circumstances and the current moment. For example, showing up at sixty percent of our capacity instead of one hundred percent because we don’t feel all too well that day, is a hundred times better than just deciding to not show up for ourselves or others at all.

Just by showing up and giving what you can give in the moment people will accept and appreciate that.

Half of life is simply showing up. Can you show up and make an acceptable product? If we settle for less than what we are capable of we have officially given up and we have already begun to decline.

Wired for Comfort

Though the concept of building and diminishing one’s self-confidence is quite simple, no one said it would be easy. 

It can be difficult at first because it’s new and new means discomfort. We are wired for comfort and safety, sticking to what we know feels safe, but safety also means stagnating at times. We are naturally led to the path of least resistance.

The attempt to keep the agreements we make with ourselves, even if it isn’t the best quality outcome, is what sets the best from the rest. It is the willingness to try, fail, and learn.

Communication is important when working through the discomfort we encounter throughout the course of positive change. Generally, when we are hesitant to show up without being one hundred percent, we are worried about disappointing ourselves or others because we know our outcome will be less than what we would normally produce.

If we communicate with our team that we are going to show up and give our all even though our capacity isn’t where it normally is, it creates a space for acceptance and appreciation. We need to be able to effectively communicate the grace we need.

Challenging Imposter Syndrome

Who am I to…

Be successful

Travel the world

Believe I’m the best at my craft

Feel Beautiful

Feel important…

And the list goes on. Imposter syndrome is when we second guess ourselves and the things we do. Who am I to be successful and there are a billion other people in this world working hard as well? Who am I to find financial stability when others can’t?

We feel unworthy of the things we accomplish when we cut corners and don’t follow through. When we know we could have done better, completed more, and reached our goal to our full potential and didn’t, our wins feel like pity prizes.

Putting in just enough work is not enough to live a life that is Better Than Rich, cutting corners is an action of someone who is attempting to get rich quickly.

The way to overcome imposter syndrome and silencing the voice of doubt is to become more worthy of our reward. We become more worthy and reaching our goals become worthwhile when we keep ourselves accountable and show up when we say we will. When we don’t do the hard work and make the tough decision, we feel unfulfilled with the outcome and that is where insecurity enters.

Another way to challenge imposter syndrome is to analyze what we decide to focus on. Are we constantly criticizing ourselves and dismissing the compliments of others on our work? To give properly, to show up properly, we need to be able to receive completely, no matter if it’s small. Allowing ourselves to accept and receive makes us better givers because as we receive, we have more to give.

We can not pour from an empty cup.

Remembering Past Wins

Not every season of life is Summer, or a season full of advancement or wins. The allure of achievement fades eventually, there is always more to learn, and room to grow. Throughout a winter season of life, the best way to keep self-confidence is to remember our past wins and past successes. How were we showing up during these times, what did you accomplish? What were we doing when no one was around then, that we can apply now to draw from that past success? What we do when no one watches matters, every moment and decision point is pushing us closer or further away from our alignment.

Once a winner is always a winner, but before becoming a winner we practiced and failed. Success is the willingness to fail forward and the ability to get back up. Self-confidence is found within our determination and grit.

A winner is a person that never quits.